Have to find a new way

My frustrations about our relationship grew to much and we had to suspend our D/s-relation.

Reflecting on the relationsship I have noticed a series of problems.

Motivation

What I do, I do for a reason. If I long to be a sub it is because being a sub wil stimulate me in a way that I want. I do not believe that I can enter a D/s-relation if I dont get what I want. It cannot just be about her it must always be 2ways.  If submitting to her and servicing her is what I want then a serviceoriented D/s-relationship is perfect. I can get what I want by servicing and submitting to her.  

Whatever reason I would have for entering a D/s relationship, the relationhip will only work if I get what I need. This is clear to me.

MsRika has wisely adviced the males to focus on servicing the woman to be their need. Meaning that I if get to serve my wife I will be satisfied and all my need wil be fullfilled. This is a very good advice and I must again express my respect for MsRika way of thinking. I have done this, and yes it works, it is satifiying to service the wife and she loves it.

But its not enough, I need more than just service, I need to be dominated. I need my wife to be strict and firm about her ways and I need her to humiliate me sexually just to express her dominance. This is what I long for, this is my sexuality.

I nice to service her. I luv making tea to her when she desires it, I love the way my chores have given me a place on the house (doing my part). I love when my wife is happy and content. This is all very nice and in my many ways a good argument for D/s per se.

Sexual drive

But it doesn’t satisfy my sexual drive. I need her to be dominant and harsh. I need her to demand service from me and be strict about it. I need her to punish me, hard, when I fail. I need her to put me in difficult situations where it will be hard for me to satisfy her but still knowing that not doing it well will mean punishment. This is what I long for, this is the key to my frustrations.

Balancing D/s in everyday life.

Im not a submissive type in general. I want to submit to my wife only. In my job I’m  a senior executive focused on strategic management and my everyday puts me in a top-position with many people relying on me. Im not a dominant type in my job, I believe in management by inspiration, open processes and dialog.

In my own time I will study sciences and be in dialog with a lot of people through the internet. Again not submissive but focused on dialogue.

My children sees me and my wife as partners, D/s is not visible to them. They just see a dad who is very active at home and who has great resepct for his wife. These a good signals and wil give our children good values. I don’t expect them to understand D/S, it between me and my wife.

Her role

She likes to have things done her way. She can be very specific about things and it means a lot to her that things are done her way. This is a good challenge for a serviceoriented sub. In any other marriage it would be a menace, but to the sub her way is a gift. This is probably why i thought D/s would be great for her too. She could have it her way, we would no longer fight over little things and we could have a sexlife again. And this was actually what happened. She was happy with her new husbond, enjoying the attention and it was good.

But she didn’t understand my sexual drive. Being dominant in bed is not her way. Not getting realease for my sexual need built up frustrations until finally I started acting bad. Topping from the bottom to make her angry, hoping that she would be harsh and punish me. But she didn’t, she just resigned when she should step forward. This just made my frustrations bigger making me act like a spoiled kid.

The new way

My inner urge for submission is very strong. I think about it many hours every day. My frustrations about not being in a D/s is just as bad as the frustrations I had in the D/s. So I need to go that way, I need to submit, I want to submit, and I want to do it in a way that wil satisfy my needs, keep our marriage sound and good and make her happy. Impossible? maybe. My intellectual mind just sees this as a challenge.